Once I went to look at a factory, I said wow to myself because they are gigantic. I wasn’t allowed in my dad said cause I could die how I said, and my dad explained that all the smoke coming out of the chimney could kill you. Now COP26 I get why this is happening we need to save our planet and stop using petrol, smoking because we are killing animals and ourselves to. Please help save our planet please we need you. This is polluting our planet so badly. Antarctica the ice is melting so we could have a really bad flood soon.
THANK YOU FOR LISTENING!
You have used some very persuasive techniques in your writing. By saying “we need” you are including the reader and telling them that they are part of the solution. Repetition of the word “please” also shows how important the narrator of this story believes a solution is needed. Well done.
well done
Hi Elise,
Great miniture story, i can easaly imagine the scine in my head.
Hello Elise. It was great to read your very first blog post. As I read it, I could imagine someone standing in front of a crowd of protesters and urging them to listen and persuading to make changes in their lives in order to save our planet. Mrs Addleton’s comment about reading it aloud before pressing publish is spot on – when you do that you can hear where those commas, full stops and exclamation marks should go. Well done
Hello Elise,
Well done on writing your first blog post. You have shown that it is a great way to draw everyone’s attention to something so important. You are right in saying that it is affecting animals as well as humans, giving us an even greater responsibility to act now.
Mrs Leftwich
Hi Elise, you’re so right, we are polluting our planet, but children like you do have a voice and politicians need to start listening to you.
Have you thought about how you could make children and adults aware in school? Is the school doing enough to help the environment do you think?
Great thinking Elise.
Mr Leftwich
Hi Elise,
Go on http://www.100wc.net and click on the blue writing under the chimney photo that says ‘continue reading’.
Next, click on the tiny blue arrow next to the heading that says ‘school’ at the top of the list. If you click it twice, it should put all the entries in alphabetical order starting with Z. Because Wildground starts with a W, your blog should be near the top of the list!
You have actually published a real piece of writing to a world wide audience!
Hello Elise,
Congratulations on publishing your first ever blog. I am so impressed that you know about COP26 which is happening in Glasgow. Through your blog, you are adding your voice to the hundreds of other children on 100 Word Challenge to convince politicians around the world to put an end to fossil fuels.
Next time, remember to double check all your sentences make sense and that you have full stops where you need them before you press publish. I know how exciting it is to get a blog published but that extra time reading it aloud makes all the difference. Also, check the spelling of ‘because’.
I love your last line because it made it sound like you were making a plea directly to the reader, a bit like our plastic pollution book at school.
5 raffle tickets
Mrs Addleton