one night when the sky was as dark as a crow a rider named daria my best friend was riding her vehicle listening to music riding along when she found out she could …could….could FLY her bike got ramed up a tree and she flew up in the air but wen she tried to fly in front of Freya (my best bestie friend)and me she climed slowly up a treeand jumped of it didn’t work and we laughed.
the next day me and Freya tried her new yellow bike (the one she flew on)and we both flew in the air we all had come to the conclusion the yellow bike was magical till this day the yellow bike is out there somewhere…
Hi Layla,
You made great use of vocabulary in your blog (for example, rammed and conclusion) and punctuation (such as brackets and ellipses) which made it a fun story to read. However, you could improve it further by breaking it into sentences with full stops and capital letters.
I love the idea that the bike has a mind of its own and is out there somewhere. The mysterious ending made me want to hear more!
3 house points
Mrs Addleton
thankyou