One day there was a old man that wanted to have the best day of his life before he could die.He went to the doctor said “i’m sorry but you only have 1 week to live and after 1 week you’ll die sorry to break the news.”The man was depressed and didn’t know what to do the next 168 hours.But then he realized he wanted 6 days of relaxing and on the last day he would have lots and fun and will enjoy his life for the last moments whilst he could that leads up to now where hes going to spend the best time no one would have.
So the mans fun day is starting he feeling really sad and happy at the same time with other emotions cramped inside of his head and he didn’t know which to chose.On his fun day he went to the park to remind him of when he was a kid and how his mother took him on walks with her they spent more time at the park then in the house it was like a home for them but unfortunately his mother died so he stopped going to the park because it remembered him of his mother but today he wanted to remember her.
The second place he wanted to visit was his old house because he had some good memories and wanted to relive them.the man didn’t know who lived there but he knocked and asked “can i come? in i used to live here” the people responded “yeah sure!” He looked around and thought “wow everything has changed from when i used to live here!”
The third place he wanted to visit is his daughters he always loved in his daughter.HE knocked on her door and asked if he could come in and talk.She responded “yes of course come in and sit down dad!”. He explained the hole story to the daughter and he asked when he dies he wanted her to host the funeral.She cried on the mans shoulder and mumbled “please don’t go i need you!” the man replied “just please host the funeral” the girl mumbered again “anything for you dad!” with a tear dropping down her face
The man finished his fun day and wanted to live for longer but the night can and a shadow of darkness came and struck the city torture and mayhem has been released that night the old man died just like the doctor said.
As promised the girl hosted the funeral on June 4 1945 the girl cried and wanted comfort but because her mother died it was up to her to make the family tree grow but it never did
by WilliamH
WOW WILLIAM!
I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU WRITE SO WELL!
I am so shocked .
Please continue writing like this because it is very inspirational.
clap clap clap.
-Your friend Clemence
Thanks Mrs Addleton i now have five house points on blogging and will make sure i continue you inspire me to be a good writer when i grow up and want to star
Wow William, I’m amazed you’ve written so much on your Friday evening at home and I’m intrigued what the inspiration for your story was; it was almost as philosophical as Ambers advice about pets! The three places that you chose for the old man to go were clever ideas. I found that I got emotionally attached to your character despite not even knowing his name and this was partly due to your descriptions and vocabulary.
I expect you were excited to publish your blog and didn’t read it out aloud to yourself before submitting it. I think if you read it back, you will discover some spellings, words and punctuation that you could add which might make the piece even better. Also, the park would have ‘reminded’ not ‘remembered’ the man of his mum.
I really hope you continue blogging and carry on reading and critiquing other children’s blogs.
3 house points
Mrs Addleton