Posted by James in 100wc | 2 Comments

Cycle! Cycle! Cycle! Cycle! Cycle! The boy cycled every day. He even spent 10 hours riding. Until one day he fell of his scooter in shock from a red snake. It was the same colour as his bike. Which was red. He then suddenly rushed home to see the time on the clock. He thought to himself, what just happened? It was a crazy day. The next day I heard a knock at the door. It was the snake I sore yesterday. and it was back to kill me. My mum didn’t know were I had gone and questioned everything.

2 responses to “Cycle!”

  1. Mrs Dibben says:

    Hello James,

    I like the way you emphasis the tremendous amount of cycling he does by repeating the word cycle. Mind I think he may have become bored with all the cycling and started to see things.
    I hope he survives to cycle another day.

  2. Mrs Addleton says:

    Hello James, I think I would wobble off my bike if I had been riding for 10 hours and especially if I saw a red snake! It sounds like this poor boy might have suffered from concussion and is perhaps hallucinating seeing a snake at his door. Take care with common homophones e.g. of/off and saw/sore – did you use the right ones? It might help your readers if you decide if you are writing in the first or third person and stick to one all the way through – is the story about you or a boy? I hope you didn’t get eaten – is this why your mum couldn’t find you?
    3 house points
    Mrs Addleton

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