Once upon a time, there was a boy an average boy his name was Joe. Joe was a very shy child, he had a pet which was a grey,silky tabby cat, Joe was listening to the news when he heard about a tiger who broke out of the zoo, and it was his birthday today and he was meant to be going to the zoo but , now he couldn’t because it was closed and he went swimming instead. While we was driving to swimming we saw the tiger and we couldn’t move so THE TIGER WAS BLOCKING OUR ESCAPE, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE TIGER
Posted by in 100wc
6 Comments
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Very interesting to read and wonder what would happen next. You used different ideas to what we might expect and suddenly the danger was there. We never thought you would meet the tiger when you couldn’t go to the zoo. So it was a big surprise when you did !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like it.
Hi Finn
I am 9 and you have done a great job at your blog well done
Will
Hello Fin,
An interesting tale with a well organised plot. The change from single to plural subject in your final sentence slightly spoiled what was otherwise a good read! Well done Fin.
Well done on your first blog Fin. A birthday to remember for Joe!
Fin,
It was so exciting to read your first blog! I feel so sorry for Joe who, not only didn’t get to the zoo but didn’t get to swimming for his birthday treat – all because of that escapee tiger! You had a great story line and the way you introduced Joe made me really like him. Perhaps breaking up the second sentence and avoiding using the word ‘and’ more than once here could help the story flow even better.
I can’t wait to read more blogs from you Fin,
Mrs Addleton
2 house points.
Hello Fin,
Great first blog. I really like how you make ‘Joe’ so easy to identify with, lots of boys can see themselves in the same situation but then something extraordinary happens.
You might like to look at how you could alter your sentence length, particularly after the initial opening.