Today we went to the Zoo and it was fun, at first we started at the tigers and then we went to the elephants and there was a big hole in the middle of the cage and we were worried and did not know what to do so when we saw it my friend Charlie ran away so then I was right behind him but he is quite faster than me so he ran to the fire exit and I asked why, there was a tiger running after him and it was faster than him THE TIGER WAS BLOCKING OUR ESCAPE!!!!!!
The ZOO
Posted by in Learning
4 Comments
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Hello Harvey,
A fascinating and descriptive tale that was slightly spoiled by the lack of punctuation together with the overuse of the word ‘and’.
Do read through your work carefully before publishing it because you will then spot errors that would otherwise go unnoticed and reduce the quality of your work. Nevertheless, a good effort, well done!
Wow Harvey. I felt like I was running with you and almost ran out of breath reading your story! I LOVE the use of capital letters at the end!
Hello Harvey,
I agree with Mrs Dibben that this really is a fast paced tale and I suppose you would be running fast if there was a tiger in your way! I also think your blog would benefit from some full stops – try reading it back to yourself and only breath when you get to a full stop!
I noticed that you started a sequel which would be interesting to find out what happens next.
Thank you for helping some our newest bloggers!
Mrs Addleton
1 house point
Ooh Harvey, such a fast paced tale, made me feel like I was running.
I definitely want to read what happens next.
Can you try putting the first part into shorter sentences.